12.11.2006
As humans we have such terrible foresight. And yet we still think we are being clever when we pathetically try to make it seem like we know what is going on with our lives. We cry about our pasts, shamelessly seeking scapegoats. We worry about our futures, as if we won't have one unless we alone make it. I don't mean we shouldn't try to live, but distressing over the future as in not placing ones trust in the Merciful, thus despairing in the mercy of Allah subhanahuwatala, is perhaps what i mean. Everyday and every second of each day, we allow to pass without even considering that perhaps that second that just passed, that very second could have been the second that I could have turned walking to Allah and repented and Allah subhanahuwatala may have accepted it, running. Why am I delusioned to think that I am going to be here for the next opportunity to repent, to seek Allah's Mercy, and to get closer to Him, who is my Creator. I am sorry to come to the conclusion that the majority of seconds that I have spent of my life have probably not been spent repenting, rather they have been most reckelssly wasted in the most frivolous thoughts. And furthermore, what perhaps frightens me most is if, hypothetically speaking, i were to take a snapshot of my spiritual heart, as if i was a chain smoker about to see the results of the endoscopy of my lungs, I would actually be shocked to see the diseased darkened organ that i had otherwise assumed all this time to be labeled with the slogan "hey, i'm not a bad person". Why my heart was so black, is one nauseating thought. Why I would have been shocked to see it as such, is another nauseating thought alltogether. Let's all face it, we are quite delusioned or at least a combination of confused and careless. We often surround ourselves with useless things that contribute in no way whatsoever to our (hopefully) ultimate goal: heaven. If that's what we really want, our deeds, and our heart for that matter, should reflect our aims. I think the real question is: do my deeds reflect my belief in Allah subhanahuwatala? Over time i have come to submit to Allah as the One, True diety. But it's that every part of my entire being needs to fall in prostration to Allah. Every thought and every response, every perception and every reaction, and every one of my actions must be done through the mind, heart and body of one who is a slave of Allah. The question i now ask myself is am i truly a slave of Allah or am i delusioned to think that i am a free man?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
You took the thoughts from my cluttered insane mind- full of useless thoughts and trivial pursuits- and made sense of it all (or rather most of it).
Best lines: Chain smoker and "Hey I'm not a bad person." Don't we all secretly think it but forever avoid to really believe it?
"snapshot of my spiritual heart"
wow! I would be scared of that myself. The reality is that we will be made aware of the truth regarding our hearts One Day. If our hearts are black that Day, then indeed we will be among the losers and there will be no running from that truth. I'd rather be reminded of the blackness of my heart now than later.
MashaAllah.
I love the final message of this entry: Do my deeds reflect my belief in Allah?
I think we should all keep this at the back of our minds at all times.
Post a Comment