From about 3 years ago

I've been picturing someone who isn't here anymore
I see her, but she has no actual presence
I wait for her to speak or move and always she does what I imagine
I wish she would surprise me by doing something different.

No God But He

The secret of the Self is hid,
In words "No god but He alone".
The Self is just a dull-edged sword,
"No god but He," the grinding stone.

-Allama Iqbal
from Zarb-e-Kaleem (1936)

"Stop talking about the shaytan, just start coloring!"

As humans we have such terrible foresight. And yet we still think we are being clever when we pathetically try to make it seem like we know what is going on with our lives. We cry about our pasts, shamelessly seeking scapegoats. We worry about our futures, as if we won't have one unless we alone make it. I don't mean we shouldn't try to live, but distressing over the future as in not placing ones trust in the Merciful, thus despairing in the mercy of Allah subhanahuwatala, is perhaps what i mean. Everyday and every second of each day, we allow to pass without even considering that perhaps that second that just passed, that very second could have been the second that I could have turned walking to Allah and repented and Allah subhanahuwatala may have accepted it, running. Why am I delusioned to think that I am going to be here for the next opportunity to repent, to seek Allah's Mercy, and to get closer to Him, who is my Creator. I am sorry to come to the conclusion that the majority of seconds that I have spent of my life have probably not been spent repenting, rather they have been most reckelssly wasted in the most frivolous thoughts. And furthermore, what perhaps frightens me most is if, hypothetically speaking, i were to take a snapshot of my spiritual heart, as if i was a chain smoker about to see the results of the endoscopy of my lungs, I would actually be shocked to see the diseased darkened organ that i had otherwise assumed all this time to be labeled with the slogan "hey, i'm not a bad person". Why my heart was so black, is one nauseating thought. Why I would have been shocked to see it as such, is another nauseating thought alltogether. Let's all face it, we are quite delusioned or at least a combination of confused and careless. We often surround ourselves with useless things that contribute in no way whatsoever to our (hopefully) ultimate goal: heaven. If that's what we really want, our deeds, and our heart for that matter, should reflect our aims. I think the real question is: do my deeds reflect my belief in Allah subhanahuwatala? Over time i have come to submit to Allah as the One, True diety. But it's that every part of my entire being needs to fall in prostration to Allah. Every thought and every response, every perception and every reaction, and every one of my actions must be done through the mind, heart and body of one who is a slave of Allah. The question i now ask myself is am i truly a slave of Allah or am i delusioned to think that i am a free man?

Gibraltar

How would it have felt
to be a warrior
peering at the approaching land
soon to be known as the mountain of Tariq
being carried by the ship
soon to be burned

Would you know what awaits you
and how would you prepare?
knowing that Ezra'il (alayhis salaam) may be waiting
to greet you on this land.

Would you run to him to greet him first?

أيّها الناس، أين المفر؟ البحر من ورائكم، والعدوّ أمامكم، وليس لكم والله إلا الصدق والصبر...
O People ! There is nowhere to run away! The sea is behind you, and the enemy in front of you: There is nothing for you, by God, except only sincerity and patience.
-Tariq ibn-Ziyad
(as recounted by al-Maqqari)

Words of a perfumer

“The painter learns to see, the pianist learns to listen, I learned to smell. But it’s a question of the brain, not of the nose, and you learn it simply by experience. Everyone can smell everything I can smell, but they don’t know how to understand it, distinguish elements, or how to speak about it. That’s why I’m a perfumer.” He added, “I would say it took ten years to know, twenty to master.”


from: http://www.newyorker.com/fact/content/?050314fa_fact

Bird of faith

Our eman is like a bird. One wing represents hope. Hoping, that is, in the mercy of Allah subhanahuwatala. And the other wing represents fear, that is fearing Allah subhanahuwatala. The head of the bird, which drives our eman, is love- love for our Creator, subhanahuwatala. Ideally, the eman of a servant of Allah subhanahuwatala, as a bird, should be flying in a straight and balanced manner, flying steadfast to its destination. However, some of us, it seems, are flying in a more or less chaotic or unbalanced manner. Perhaps this is due to an unequal distribution of attention to all of ones faculties, as a bird of course.

There are some, for example, who fear Allah subhanahuwatala, but do not hope for His mercy. Therefore, these birds are flying, but are leaning in one direction, hence they are not balanced and cannot fly straight. These birds fear Allah subhanahuwatala, but since they don't hope for His mercy, they simply despair and so their eman is perhaps not functioning at an optimum potential.

On the other hand, some of us hope for Allah's mercy, but don't pay too much attention to fearing Allah subhanahuwatala. Therefore, what may result is that this individual may just simply become careless. Yes, Allah subhanahuwatala is Most Merciful, but He is also the Most Just. So we will undoubtedly be treated with justice and our deeds will be questioned. To deny this or rather neglect this is to be in a way irresponsible and this may be detrimental to the perfecting of one's eman. Again, the bird simply cannot fly straight or in a balanced manner.

Therefore, the two wings of the bird of eman need to be equal and they need to be exercised equally, for the bird to be balanced. There is the third aspect that can't be neglected: the head of the bird. The head is represented by love- loving Allah subhanahuwatala. Ask yourself, if a headless bird tried to fly, what would happen? Nothing would happen. If the bird doesn't have a head, it would be dead! Similarly, if we don't even love Allah subhanahuwatala, where does our eman stand? Perhaps it can be said that our eman is headed nowhere. It is our love for Allah subhanahuwatala that drives us and directs us to success, and without which we may be lost.

From this metaphor, it can be seen that having all three aspects of eman are critical. By maintaining our fear, hope and love for Allah subhanahuwatala, we are strengthening our eman, our faith, and by being steadfast, we are preparing ourselves towards perfecting our eman inshaAllah.

Imagine the possibilites of one whose eman is strong and perfected...

blanket

what one wishes for is to be covered
to keep away the chill
and the scarring air
to be kept safe
and be given comfort

but with this wish may come ones end
ones hope for warmth
could just lead to a reason to deny
and to ignore what is true
the blanket could be a wolf

A portal to perforation

precut
prepared
indeed i hope to follow
a plan most anticipated
a goal most neglected

inshaAllah